Shattered Heart
by 1Pagan3
Summary: Preseries. Hopefully AU! Sam finds out something from Jess.


AN: AU!?! Preseries! Yeah, a bit different than what I usually write, probably not my best.

Disclaimer: Supernatural nor the characters are mine... just borrowing from Kripke and Co.

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The sun pierced into his brain even though his eyes were closed and he knew instantly what had happened, he'd fallen asleep at the library – _again!_ Sighing, he lifted his head and while wiping the drool off his mouth, looked around dazedly for a moment and was relieved that he was alone in the back section of the library, giving him a moment to pull himself and his study materials together. He knew Jess was going to be pissed, but lately what else was knew. He couldn't say when exactly it started, but she had been preoccupied, nervous and even a bit worried to the point of being physically ill and when he'd asked if she was ok, her faint answer of 'Yeah Sweetie, I'm fine' was given with barely a glance. Of course maybe he was part of the problem, no matter what his brother said, he still felt uncomfortable around people who weren't privy to the secret of his family's 'business.' Pushing that thought to the back of his mind, he quickly waved his farewell to the library aide who'd been willing to allow him the extra time while she caught up on re-shelving and logging in new books.

It didn't take long to walk across the quad and across the street to the block their apartment was located, and strangely his thoughts didn't fall on his girlfriend Jess, but on a friend of theirs who passed away a couple months before in a car wreck. Although Henry Jorgenson had initially been Jess' friend, it didn't take long for him to be included in Sam's circle of friends as well. Not understanding why Henry had popped into his mind, he smiled and bravely walked into the apartment ready for either a hot cup of coffee waiting for him, or the third degree as to where he'd been all night.

"Jess? Hey, Jess… you home?" he called out, hoping that he'd get a cheerful response instead of one that would make him feel guilty. Normally she understood when he needed to study, but there were a few times when…

"Sam," Jessica called softly as she entered the room. "Sam, I need you to read your email before you do anything else."

Stunned, he stood still and looked at her before asking, "Is it something that's going to ruin my day?" At her nod, he groaned at the thought that whatever he was about to read would put the rest of his day in turmoil. Then, sudden fear gripped him and made him wonder what he'd done wrong. Sure, he'd stayed out studying late a couple times in the last week, but surely she wouldn't leave him over that… right? She knew how much this opportunity meant to him. Maybe she was upset because he forgot to close the toilet lid? Wasn't helping around the house as much? Wasn't meeting her needs? What could he have done so wrong?!?

Booting up his computer, he noticed how she wouldn't look directly at him, and his fear increased. Not knowing what he was about to read, he had to steel himself to open the first one listed… the one from her. What he read though made his heart stop… and shatter.

_My Dearest Sam,_

_I don't know how to say this, so I'll just get right to it because I know that's what you'd prefer. Shortly after we began dating exclusively, before we moved into our apartment together, Henry and I slept together. It didn't mean anything, a combination of his depressed state and my being a lightweight with tequila, and I've regretted it every single day since. But what I regret most is that I am probably hurting you right now. I've never cheated on you since; there has not been anyone but you since that moment. All I can ask for is that you forgive me, but if you can't, I understand and will leave if that's what you want. _

_I love you so very much and didn't want another day to go by with this between us._

_Your Jess _

Sam sat and stared at the screen trying to get over the feeling of being punched in the gut. He couldn't understand what he was reading, all the while full understanding hitting him like a freight train. He didn't know what to say, so many things were running through his brain. Finally he dared to look up into the face of his one true love and looked her in the eyes even as tears fell unnoticed.

He didn't know how he got in front of her, didn't know how his arms wrapped around her, he only knew that he couldn't live without her. Kissing her, he whispered through his tear clogged throat, "I forgive you, but you have to swear to me… never again. Please, this can't happen again."

"Never, baby… I swear to you. I regret that one time, and I swear you are the only one for me. I just couldn't have this between us anymore. I'm so very sorry."

He knew he forgave her, how could he not? However, his heart was shattered and he knew it would take awhile to piece it together again, but deep down, he knew that the past was the past and she was his future. He could forgive her anything; he just hoped she could do the same for him.


End file.
